The Graceful Exit?

Before you came along I knew happiness

I knew being happy with my life situation exactly as it is… I was contented. There you came, you made me realize being happy with someone else is better, happier, lovelier and a little bit more special.

I was afraid to try, but then I plunged and swam through…

Time has passed and we has spent knowing each other, being wild and free, I came to know love again after five long years of not allowing anyone else to spend my time and see all of my vulnerability… all of me my weakness, my strengths, my deepest darkest wildest craziest side. I was happy…

Then being apart, the distance and the time has slowly faded… I felt the void, the space, the absence…

What used to be a well spent TIME together, and apart made us crumble…

My world went dark, lonely… I was struggling… For a time I didn’t talked to anyone, I was only compelled to to the most of basic of things when I ought to… yes, I wasn’t sleeping, eating, talking normally… I have talked about my own death twice to the very Life I brought in this world… I was a mess.

When one morning, I found my kid vomitting from a stomach flu… she was sick and helpless and only have me to rely on. Then I realized I should stop being a depressed, sad, whatelse just because you left me behind…

I have forgotten the things I love doing, has stopped running, biking or even going out… I took the time being alone and processing the sad truth that someone can’t love me the way I love him, the way I care…

I miss you… a lot. But holding on and not letting you go only makes it harder for you… for us both. I know our love can go beyond the horizon but there came to my suprise that no it isn’t and there were limitations… you didn’t allow me to love you… you were not used to being with someone… I had to do things that will make me let go… I have already unfriended your sisters and some friends from social media (except for a running buddy friend I share running thoughts to haha) I feel your words, the meaning behind every “oh?” when you answer my call. The meaning behind “What is your question” or your to-do things aka means of escape of spending time with me…

I am telling myself the whole time to stop texting you any more, or calling you ‘coz I have been a real bothersome to you already… I wish I can let go in my own pace, and own time…

This blog… a graceful exit? I guess so.

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3 thoughts on “The Graceful Exit?

    1. Can’t help to ask myself what the heck is wrong with me with all the failed relationships I had… there must be something down the line that make it doesn’t work I am still figuring out why.
      It is just never too easy to let go but doing so is the good thing to do at least for yourself.

      1. We bring a lot into relationships and I can relate to the feelings of doubt you’re having. I hope you’ll get the wisdom to pin that down. Thanks for sharing your story!

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