Take Five

October seems to be loneliest time of my every year and I am still figuring out why. At this particular year, it will be five months from now that Papa had died of a sudden heart attack. I have catched this depressed mood again, one I didn’t had for a couple of months since I was overly active running almost every day, hiking, doing first-time stuffs such as caving and rapelling.  What has happened the past five months since Papa died was we were actually busy going here and there even getting to main / national offices in Manila to expedite processing of papers for insurances both government and provate ones. Managing it with my day job, outdoor adventures, parenting and grieving at the same time.

Papa died, a part of me died too. I have regret why I have not forgiven him early on, and now, I am having hard time to forgive myself but I am surely working on it. I just need a break, a take five, a very tough “take five” to realize that I should not settle to just forgetting and not totally forgiving people in my life that wether I want it or not they will always be aprt ofmy life no matter how unfortunate and blissful things have went. 

 Slowly, but surely… although just bit by bit, step by step… I am working on myself…

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