Instead of running, I just do brisk walking, and even thinking about getting a mountain bike but I have to consider spending less, or way beyond a normal spend on a bike. More meaning 10k > or less, like < 6.6k. But I am more of afraid with the road bike accident than the budget… though I am torn between getting the fats again if I’d stop running or not find a new avenue in getting fit.
Hello everyone! Today, we had lunch at this restaurant that serves authentic Korean food. The name is MannA Korean Restaurant located at Parkview Executive Village in San Felipe, Naga City- about 10 minutes drive from Magsaysay Avenue. It was my second time to eat there so I know the food is delicious and authentic as the owner is a Korean couple who barely speak any Tagalog. And lo and behold! Who did I happen to sit next to? It’s Soong Jong Ki from Descendants of the Sun, so naturally, I was beyond thrilled to say the least. I am so convinced that DOTS is the best. drama. ever. (Insert girly giggles here).
So after waiting for what seemed like 20 minutes and we were so hungry because we got there at 12:30 PM (that is already late lunch for us), we got served first with the Korean Seafood Pancakes. My…
I grew up during my teenage and college years watching movies almost every weekends and was not told that what we see on screen are just a sample of how technology, if misrepresented and misused can lead to chaos. Why discuss movies and such? Because I was made to believed life is like what we see in movies, that the ending can be pretty much at our sight at the end. But life isn’t much like it. Also, with love.
I am a single parent, at this point in my life, most people would want me to have a boy friend, and worst they would even tell me to find a husband! They would tell me someday my kid will be growing up, will have her own life and leave me… But I wouldn’t listen to what they say nor get affected to their form of “bullying”. I have my reasons why I chose to be alone. I would tell them the difference between being alone, and lonely. That I am perfectly okay with the life I chose. But in spite and despite of, they would still insist.
Looking back, I used to give my all, risking everything for the namesake called Love. I used to believe in love, I used to give everything yeah practically risk everything and everyone in my life… but just like in movies- hearts are broken, tears fall, people leave, and lives end.
Loving from what I knew it was then, led me to unwise decisions that have prevented me for a better tomorrow. But I am assured that those decisions doesn’t left me resentful with my life at the moment… I am even grateful for it! I am sure all those are blessings in disguise! I have learned to accept my fate and have learned to trust God in everything. At this point, I must learn not to distrust people and see the good in everything. I must stop judging every people I come across based on feelings alone.
As Sherlock Holmes puts it:
Sentiment is a chemical defect found on the losing side.
Am I a loser? No. Have I lost sentiment? I guess… so.
When I searched Youtube, the very last song that goes from the drop-down was Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel.
Originally, this song was written for a person in need.
“Sail on silver, girl.” was referring to the songwriter’s then-wife.
“Your time has come to shine, all your dreams are on their way.”
“See how they shine, if you need a friend, I’m sailing right behind… Like a bridge over troubled water” I would assume its you trying to tell Mama to watch over all of us, your children, how we achieve our dreams coming true after your two sons just finished college.
I wish I could have become your “Bridge Over Troubled Water” when you were still here. When all your pain was all around, I wish I will lay myself down for you… But it was you who chose the path you take, it’s not in my control. Though I have tried years ago to gain you back, but heck no.
I wish I could grief normally, like anyone losing a father does. But, no. I am trying though to let go of all the anger, hurt, pain you have caused. Forgiveness can be given freely, even if not asked… but forgetting is another story.
I have participated the 37th Waterfalls Rapeling activity of a local outdoor shop here in Naga. Along with me are fellow adventure seekers from Naga City, Province of Albay, from Lapu-Lapu City, Cebu and staff and crew of Kadlagan Outdoor Shop & Tours. This falls is only one of several beauties that can be found at Isarog… a 90 feet tall falls called Harubay or Busay Falls. (Pls see previous posts on Nabuntulan and Malabsay Falls)
We took an hour of jitney ride from Naga City to Municipality of Calabanga, Province of Camarines Sur. As we reached Brgy. Harubay, we have registered at the Brgy. Hall as mandatory requirement for the Environmental Fee ( taken care of Kadlagan)
Then, we went hiking going up at Mt. Isarog via Calabanga trail for 1 1/2 hrs… along with us are Barangay Tanods to guide us along. Then we reached the falls and had some Basic Orientation on Rappeling… We traversed a cliff going up the falls with 5/10 difficulty. Safety ropes are all set up for us.
Pre Exposure to Rappeling
I have one rappeling experience in a building, back then when I was a volunteer at Philippine National Red Cross. But this one is entirely different from the basic since there is a water force going down.
I had to climb a cliff to get to the top of the falls. Before traversing down, I rested for a while but I felt my heart pounding and anxiety level rising. I went down and the first few seconds and minutes that follows left me very nervous, that I rushed to go down. I was stucked in a little hole at the middle of my traverse and felt I was nearly drowned with the flow of the water gushing down above me!
My first time was one hell of a descent! I almost drowned haha! During the final call for the last five, I felt I needed to do another try… then I said “I feel like I might regret it if I don’t do a 2nd try” Mr. Jojo Villareal, Proprietor and Tour Guide of Kadlagan overheard me, and pushed me to do another one! Happy gal, I was excited and this time, only a bit nervous.
I was the last joiner who went down and my success meant pack up for the team. I really had extreme adventure fun! Thank you Kadlagan Outdoors!
It’s true that one must never judge anyone on a phase that someone goes through because you never know the battle within unless you experience it yourself.
THE GRIEVING PROCESS.
DENIAL. It started when I received an SMS from my sister “Ate mau na si papa” (Our dad has passed away”) I was in a clinic then with my daughter, I know for a fact that my sister, or anyone wouldn’t make such a joke on death and dying. I didn’t know whether or not bring my kid at the hospital, or leave her someplace because she’s still too young to deal with wherever I will find my dad- dead. All along, those minutes that passed is the idea that my dad is gone, my Papa is really gone, dead, lifeless… then I arrived at the hospital.
ANGER. The moment I stepped into the hospital, I went at the ER to confirm and see for myself my Papa. Asked the nurse, and the news was personally broke to me by the nurse on duty. “Wala na po sya, Dead-on-Arrival. Cardiac arrest. Tig emergency intubation mi na po pero matagas na” (We tried to revive but it was already stiff- No use to intubate) The nurse was even explaining to me that they had not asked for the consent to do emergency CPR and intubation since the one who accompany my Papa was speechless as to who she is. I was angry, to the fact that why would a dead on arrival scene ever took place when in fact a heart disease or a stroke in evolution can be prevented if only prior signs and symptoms are given ample attention to. So, I asked, where’s my dad, nurse answered “MORGUE”
At the morgue, I was angry. So angry why it was a DOA. Why… a DOA. I was even angry to myself why as a daughter, I hadn’t asked my Papa how he is feeling, how’s his life at the moment, or how I have not practiced my profession as a nurse, and not even apply my knowledge and skills to my own family… to my very dad. I was angry to whoever he was with, and wondered why… asked so many why’s in my mind but the only reality that was in front of me was my father lying there at the Bethany, lifeless…
BARGAINING. The fact that he is dead, I have talked to him in my mind. “Pa why didn’t we ever talked before you leave, why did you ever not tried to get back home.”
While at the wake, I did everything I can to make things as smooth as possible, the online viewing at the chapel, the foods, thanking guests for joining us in our grief.
All I asked from my dad is to preserve whatever good memories he has left us, to his family, to his colleagues, former classmate and friends. I wanted him to help us not to have any more issues now that he is gone. I have given him forgiveness, and peace, that he wanted all his life, and even now that he’s gone.
ACCEPTANCE. A week after his death, I have came across to his iPhone, listened to the last videos he viewed. Saw the last calls he made, messages he sent. At this point, I have came to accept that he’s gone, and that whatever regret I have with him, those things he did not do, and those I did not do as a child was acknowledged and accepted. One reality strikes me is that he’s gone forever physically. But I know he has made a HOMECOMING as the priest during his Funeral mass has discussed in his Homily. I have came to accept that everyone will die, including myself, and that maybe someday I will see him and catch up to whatever those we should have talked when he was still alive. That he is in a better place now with our Lord.
I came to accept my dad, and all his flaws. I have came to accept that everyone makes mistakes and it was all his decision, that it was not my fault, and or no one else’s fault if he has lacked the medical attention and follow-up check-ups and maintenance medications. That it was his time.
I have came to accept that he has served his life well, to his family, raising us to be good persons, giving us decent life, and gave us college education that equipped us better to our own lives- without him.
I have came to accept that he has prepared his very own death very well. That he even prepared us, his family, of his passing. That he didn’t want any more complications to the life he put made himself into.
In my Papa’s Eulogy, I shared to the people present in St. Peter Chapels that he served God very well by being a person who does good to others. That he served his country as the best Police Investigator he could become. And his FAMILY, whom he gave a decent life.
The song that Papa included in his YouTube Fave list was
When I celebrated my 30th birthday, I was busy with retail business. We actually just bought fastfood and ate right at our Fair Booth at Plaza Rizal, here in Naga City.
Being 30 means adultingto me. I have a 4 year old kid, and chose to raise her on my own without the baby daddy’s help. So the anxiousness of being 30 something isn’t that much since I have on my shoulder raising my kid the best possible way I can.
This Summer of 2017, I went into travels just in nearby places. And it dawned into me that being a mother and being 30 will not hinder me from taking new adventures.
Yes, I may had motherhood break, I went to travels with and without my kid and I get back home anew, refreshed.
Being 30 made me realize a lot of things, I am now going halfway before I get 31 (that’s by December) and decisions are brewing… those important ones that I need to do, or else, I will forever get stuck to where I am currently in.
Being 30, I realized I should be doing what I love most, working what I am destined to be as a NURSE.
Being 30, I realized I should now set goals before I turn 35 and eventually before 40.